July 4th 2009

Journal entry from.. July 4th 2009

It's 11 a.m. My last text message reads:

"...he gonna kill!"

Jon is referring to Andrew reading my journal entries that I wrote over the years of Jon breaking my heart.

My reply:
"Nah, plus it was before I knew him. He'll kill you for all those tears I cried."

Jon replies:
"...well stick the knife in again!"

"You know I love you."

And it's true, I do. Love that's as much a part of who I am as any part of me.
I have a boyfriend and it's not Jon. Two and a half years ago, I met Andrew on MSN Messenger. There is so much more to theserelationships that I could ever write down and hope it to be coherent or even half as heartwrenching and passionate as it all felt.A year ago, ANdrew stepped off a plane into the great Los Angeles International Airport. For two weeks and then 9 months, we spent every night together. We moved into our own home and then I was pulled back. Back to the United States. Back to my parents' home. Stripped from my lover. We both ache. But you see, I find relief where Andrew does not. Someone to love me. A man I wanted more than life itself. Sharing my lust. Forbidden. I fall. I fail.