This is who I am, who I'm not and Who I want to be. July 5th 2009

Journal entry from: July 5th, 2009
I love.

Sometimes love is a burden. A puppeteer. I can't help who I have fallen in love with. They pull me by heartstrings. Have me like no other.When you look into someone's eyes, what do you look for?When you look into my eyes, what do they show you?How is it so easy for me to BE with the perso right in front of me when my heart knows I shouldn't?I don't lie to people. I with hold information.
"Not good enough. If the two of us aren't enough nothing, NOTHING ever will be..."
There's someting I'm not doing. Jon is horribly insecure and he seems to think I have a half dozen or more boy toys.. He is just another doop.If he onlly knew how wrong that was. I wish he knew how alone I feel. He gives me a happiness that only one other person in my life ever has.And still, his voice is the one I want to hear before I sleep. I want to make sure at least his day ended well.