Can my heart really break in two? One piece for him and one piece for you? July 17th 2009

Journal entry from.. July 17th 2009

I hate it when Andrew talks shit about America. Like he has any right to judge this country. Pisses me off.

Jon's family is not doing well, healthwise. So, he's real stressed out right now. We haven't really talked too muc in the last week.

Mama's goin' through stuff right now with her breast and it feels really good, because Jon knows what it's like.

I feel very close to Jon.
I miss him tons right now.

It's tense between Andrew and I. So distant. So regretful. Full of "What if"s and it's just depressing to think about how distant we were. I'm sorry that I ignored it. I love him so very much. "We went through alot whil you were here." It's true, we did. We really did. It's impossible to ignore that. I don't take it back either. It hapened. Things happen for a reason. I believe that with everything in me.

This is happening for a reason, too.
Am I suppse to be strong and stay with Andrew?
Is my honesty being tested?
Are Jon and I being tested?
Am I suppose to be here for Jon?
Were Jon and I always suppose to be together?
One piece for him, one piece for you?