Think I wanna die if you don't stay... July 22nd 2009

Journal entry from.. July 22nd 2009

Next weekend.
...
Next weekend?!?!

That's what he told me. Next weekend. So, what happens now?
School starting just around the corner. Do I shoot to start school in December?
I still need to find a job. So, do I waste some time with Jon? Do I have time to waste?
Why do I even want to be with Jon? It's a valid question to ask myself. I'll answer it as best as I can right now.

Jon is like a ... he's older than I am. He's been through a lot. Things that I can't even imagine. He makes me happ in a way that only he could. I love his odd sense of humor. His bluntness. His honesty and sincerity. I want to tell him all my secrets. I want him to know me like noone else does. Or could. He's morbid and twisted. He's fucked up and I imagine easily an asshole. I wouldn't ever let him treat me bad. Not that he would. I don't think he ever could. I often wonder why the pull between us is so strong. How did it ever get this way? Is there consistency to it? Or are we bonded by the siple fact that we have a bond? I know that because he loves me, I cling to it, but I do really love him.

And I really need to be held right now.
So, in that way, I need him.