July 26th 2009

Journal entry from.. July 26th 2009

Keep them seperated.
I found that keeping my relationship with each of them seperate from one another is the best way to keep everyne happy. The problem with that is that then I begin to feel guilty. I feel like I have two boyfriends. In a way, I guess I kind of do in that both of them only desire me. They tell me each day how much they love me. How much they both want to only have me. Once I realize this, well, then I try to confess. That is when doubts, insecurities and issues all start coming out.

I know. This is my own doing. I should choose and stick with a decision, but...

I love both of them. They are both so different. And so I love them for different reasons, but they both love me very much.

Jon doesn't think anyone will ever stay with him.
Andrew thik he isn't good at anything.

They'll blame themselves for when I choose.

This won't be forgotten.

I'm so selfish.

I'm so stupid.

They make me so so happy. I'm so so loved.
But...
Is this really worth it?