July 27th 2009

Journal entry from.. July 27th 2009

Saying that someone is yours. I've never held more truth in my words than when I say that Andrew is mine. Couldn't ever, wouldn't ever love anyone like he loves me. I believe him, too.

I've never felt like Jon was mine. Even though I lived for that kid. His heart was spread out. In a million pieces, but I clung to that millionth of a piece. Never let it go. Buried it deep in my heart.

He's still with his girlfriend, btw. She says "love" and he says it back. Kisses. Holds her. Sex stopped a long time ago, thank goodness.

Should I care about is so much? Why does another woman in his arms bother me?

Easy answer.

It's still hard to admit... since he's not mine and I'm not his.

Makes it a hard answer.

I'm so selfish.
I wonder if my insecurities make me cling to men that give me sexual attention. Acceptance.

They love me. I dearly love them.

I kinda miss not having love.
Ironic now that I have too much.